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Self​-​Deprecation Is Bad, Let's Do It Anyway

by Sean Lawlor

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1.
Dark Room 03:24
Draw the X's on the back of my hands Mark my words with permanent marker Draw the dotted line around the circumference of my neck Make your incision quick and painless Unless of course there's no one around... Evan shook the hand of everyone Smiling at everything in sight Dark room brighten this dark mood Introduce me to all your friends I'd like to meet them If I promise not to get quiet We'll take our shoes off at the door Don't wanna track my mud all over Introduce me to all your friends I'd like a new one But I got nothing against my other ones
2.
My third alarm goes off at 8:15, Sings me awake. Nothing to see but empty bottles and cans The wind knocked over the recycling bin. Fuzzy memories of the nights dreams Lurk in the shower steam. Why do I even recognize that face? Maybe we shared a class together or something. It must be possible to win this game without cheating. Am I the product of public school? am I the savior of the rural kids? I watched the season change from a gas station window. This coffee ain't gonna drink itself And I still need an oil change. I am always the one to tell the same story more than once, the kinda story that doesn't need to be told more than once. I am always the one would would rather stay home all alone. I am always the one to be awkwardly sarcastic, my jokes went over your head. I am always the one to wear touristy t-shirts a little too often. I am always the one to tell the same story more than once, the kinda story that doesn't need to be told more than once. I am always the one would would rather stay home all alone. I am always the one to be awkwardly sarcastic, my jokes went over your head. I am always the one to wear touristy t-shirts a little too often.
3.
Thirteen 03:30
I'm elevated by graduation day The hometown heroes on display I'm reflecting on my thirteen years of effort A million marks, a thousand holes When the time is right I'll ask you one more question, Are you ready?... Tell me is this the start you dreamt of? And would your thirteen year old self be proud or more of disappointed? Here's a pill that's hard to swallow Please don't choke, I need you Elevated Its not the way I remember it Ascended Its not the way I thought it'd be Reflective A mirror polished by honesty Holographic A never thought I'd let myself be Tell me is this the start you dreamt of? And would your thirteen year old self be proud or more of disappointed? Here's a pill that's hard to swallow Please don't choke, I need you
4.
Friend 03:21
A toothless and tongueless head is no home for a brain Much less a way to communicate But lonely does as lonely wants And lonely wants a friend A fingerless hand can't make aquaintence It can't tell what day it is But quiet sits and quiet waits & quiets hears a friend
5.
I used be the spider Suspended above the counter In the corner of the kitchen or the bathroom Not really a threat But certainly something to avoid, So above, yet so below Now the spider I once was is dead Enveloped by its own web Left sunken to become shriveled and mummified Among the crumbling drywall I would give anything to be a spider But what's a spider need with self-esteem?
6.
I've got a calloused brain & torn up fingertips A fatigued and sweaty heart All I do is crack my knuckles Now my feet, they're so fuckin sore Please nip at heels, because I look up to you too much Pretend I'm not here, shave the seems off my own mold

about

The songs on this album were written and recorded between January 2017 and August 2017 in my dorm room in Boston and at home in Connecticut.

credits

released August 29, 2017

All songs written, performed, recorded and mixed by Sean Lawlor.

Minimal mastering was done to these recordings besides the automatic mastering Ableton Live does while exporting the audio.

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Sean Lawlor Boston, Massachusetts

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